Family is the most important thing in the world as you are growing up, but what happens when one or both of your parents pass away, that unit starts to fall apart. I think that is what happened in our family. Our mom will be asleep in death 20 years in October. That one event changed our lives as we knew it, and changed us as well. I have three siblings, all younger than me.
I have always been a tough kid, lived on my own from a young age, but I always had to talk to and hear from my mom, even if it were just to say hello, just knowing that she was there, was enough at times to get me through the toughest of ordeals, my Daddy was everything to me, he fell asleep in death nine years after our mother.
When people tell you time heals all wounds, let me tell you they are wrong, the death of a parent or the death of a child are not something you get over no matter how many years pass, yes one can learn to cope with these things, but at times I can't keep the tears from surfacing, pouring out and just taking over my day... I miss them.
My oldest son was a twin, before birth I didn't know that, but as soon as they told me the pangs of grief hit, making it that much more important to keep my son alive no matter what happened to us, I am so happy to say he turned 30 years old this past February, but that is as well 30 years I have mourned his sibling.
Even before that, long ago when I was a child, I learned what grieving a loved one was like, for my two grandmothers both died when I was young, my mother's mom, died about a month before I turned 12 and then my other grandmother died when I was 13. I grieved my Granny, for she and I shared Spiritual Interests, we read the Bible together and prayed together all the time, while she was battling her cancer, I think it is from her strong faith and true example that I have gained the strength to keep on fighting this battle, no matter what my Lupus has thrown at me.
Sometimes we just need that good example to follow, I am so thankful, that she showed me where her true strength came from.
My faith came from an early ritual of Bible Reading, Daily Prayers, and Meditation on the Scriptures of the Bible and all the true Blessing Jehovah bestowed up on me, and created all around me. Many people don't see a sick person, when they look at me, I hide it well... sometimes too well. I suffer in silence and alone, I don't tell a whole lot of people about what I go through, the closest ones to me, know, because they see more of me that I can't hide from them, the pain, the nausea, the vomiting, the migraines, the dizziness, the falling, the fatigue, some of my closest friends, have known me long enough that they know I have had several strokes, but I hardly ever talk about all of this to anyone, that is why I am going to try to increase my blogging, to start talking and showing others, that there is a way to cope with this wicked system of things... to truly start building a relationship with your heavenly father and creator, that can fortify you when you need it, comfort you when you need it.
James 4:8 says " Draw unto me and I will draw unto you." That is a personal invitation for us to form a truly great friendship with our maker. What are we all waiting for?
Pick your self up off the ground and pick up your Bible, and find the strength from the scriptures, from the many examples of men and women who have gone through some similar things we are facing and gain courage, strength and faith from meditating on those examples and praying for him to give you what you need to survive these situations we are facing.
Thank you all for reading my blogs, I pray that something I am writing can benefit somebody somewhere, to help you find the courage and strength to continue to keep on coping in life...
Until next time, agape Love to all.
Dorraine, this blog is an example of why I love you even though we've never met. You are so right that we never get over such grief, sometimes we just learn how to keep it to ourselves, because other people don't understand. You are very blessed to have had such a close relationship with your grandmother! But, the more we love someone, the more pain we feel when they are gone. I lost my youngest son when he was nearly 20, and just 20 days later I lost my Daddy. When I felt like I needed my mom, she was battling a brain tumor. I remember talking to her about my sadness, and even though she seemed not to be there most of the time, I felt comfort from telling her. She passed just 15 months later. It was so difficult a loss that my sister followed them in death last year. She was only 38, and left 5 beautiful children for her husband to raise alone. I also feel a connection with you in that I believe that I too lost a twin to my oldest daughter. I was so naive that I never knew that all the strange things that happened were strange. I don't have a doctor's confirmation, but when I had an ultrasound the girl kept saying hmmmm that's weird. The baby was crowded over on my right side, and something unrecognizable was on the left. My water broke twice, hence fraternal twins, and without going into too many of the gory details I know there was a lot more than baby inside of me. I only really understood this was strange after I'd had my third child. I've always had in the back of my mind that I have another child who I will meet after this life.
ReplyDeleteI as well love you Julianne, we are sisters through Food Lover's Fat Loss Group, and found we have both experienced the pains of CF, for those who don't know what that is, Cystic Fibrosis, Julianne's son and my precious cousin, Jerry Ray, Jr. both were diagnosed with CF, my cousin is still battling this dreaded disease.
DeleteWe as well are both mothers of handicapped sons, mine is 30-1/2 years old, he has outlived his prognosis by 30 years and 7 months.... they never expected him to live to be 2-3 weeks old, he will be turning 31 in February of 2015. His twin was born calcified at 37 weeks gestation.
Grief of losing all grandparents and parents, and loss of a child, is devastating, but we have managed to continue to live on for the loved ones in our lives....
Much love and thoughts from me to you tonight, Julianne, I love you my sweet sister friend, <3